


and we sure as hell have nothing now

by prettydizzeed



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, although angst is such a flippant word it's more like soul-rending grief.... anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 00:19:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11680086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettydizzeed/pseuds/prettydizzeed
Summary: When Magnus asks how long it's been since she dated a warlock, she lies.





	and we sure as hell have nothing now

**Author's Note:**

> title is from "Things We Lost in the Fire" by Bastille 
> 
> I have a lot of feelings about Elliot Nourse

When Magnus asks how long it's been since she dated a warlock, she lies.

She avoided telling him (and Ragnor, as well) while it was happening partially to escape the inevitable teasing about a workplace romance, but also because it felt fragile, like whatever it was between her and Elliot was a potion that would evaporate or boil over if they tried to introduce other ingredients. And if she brings it up now, Magnus will hold it against her for an actual eternity that she didn't keep him informed about her love life _and_ never asked him to help with her outfit, so she lets him think it's been almost a century.

It's been about two years.

*

She isn't sure if “come see my library” is supposed to be a euphemism, but they've been working together for almost fourteen years and have been grabbing coffee or something together occasionally for about five of those, and he hasn't once crossed a boundary, so she figures it's meant in earnest.

It is—the room is expansive, bookshelves stretching across every wall, but instead of being limited to the furniture intended to hold them like in Magnus's loft, books are also piled on side tables, couch cushions, the floor, stacked horizontally on the shelves in front of other books, stacked on the top of the shelves that don't stretch to the ceiling. She can't help but laugh, looking at them, giddy with all the potential in their spines, in the slope of Elliot’s back, in his answering smile. He says books are the love of his life. He shows her the fireproof magic on each page and says he's ensuring against another Alexandria.

She offers to help, and when they combine their magic over the letters, the thrill is nothing like when she's helped other warlocks. It's like the first time she made a portal. It's like flying. It's like sex.

They have sex, and it's like magic.

*

There are books in his bedroom, too. On the floor, on the bedside table, on Dot’s side of the bed when she isn't staying over. It's been almost a year when he gestures to the room and says, “I love you more than any of these.” She smiles at him and asks, “What about the ones in the library?”

He says, “Yes, those too,” he kisses her, he tells her about the _Ars Notoria_.

*

When things end—

When she says _the spark is gone_ and he holds out his hands, palms up, crackling blue, and says _ironic choice of words_ , when his tears evaporate into smoke after she says _please don't cry, I can't do this if you're crying_ and it sets off the fucking smoke alarm in his mundane building and the sprinklers rain down on all the books and when she opens one it leaves ink on her hands like blood and he says _I'll deal with it, I've got it, please leave_ and on her way out she hears him saying _this is the opposite of Alexandria_ —

When things end, he opens his own shop. He tells Jocelyn that books have always been his first love, and doesn't turn to see Dot’s reaction.

*

The mark paints itself onto her arm, and she screams.

She wants to shove the blue that's boiling beneath her skin out of her and into them, curse every single Shadowhunter who cares more about the goddamn mirror than about his death. She wants to beg whatever beings they believe in to say that it doesn't signify his death. She wants to ask Jocelyn who gave her the right to risk their lives like this, but Jocelyn is dead and Elliot is dead and she feels the same shrieking emptiness as when Valentine numbed the power out of her.

She wants to take back everything that ever happened between them because then he wouldn't have left Jocelyn’s shop, then she would've been there, then they could have woven their magic together until it was bright enough to blind a man, hot enough to knock the weapon from his hands.

She wants to run to Magnus’s loft and tell him everything and sob, but instead, she goes to the Institute.

**Author's Note:**

> the _Ars Notoria_ is one of the books that came up when I was searching for an ancient book to use in that line; it's a grimoire from the 13th century and centers on learning, memory, and the understanding of books
> 
> come yell at me about warlocks on tumblr @basilhallward


End file.
